Back to the Beginning
I am not one who lives in the past. Yes, I do have memories that I cherish. There are certain times, events, and people that I sometimes wish I could have and see again, or be with. However, I don't live in the past. I don't stay in the past. As to the future, I do not live in the future either. True, sometimes I have anticipation for the future, I think about what I do in the present that could lead to what I would desire to happen in the future, but I don't live there.
Despite what I am saying here, for about the past year or so, I have been remembering the early days of my relationship with Jesus Christ. As I have mentioned in earlier articles, I accepted Jesus into my life in December of 1975, approximately three months shy of my twenty-first birthday. Days after I accepted God's gift of salvation, there were several prayers that were answered in the manner I had requested Him answer them.
In 1976, I was baptized in the power of the Holy Ghost in quite a miraculous manner and baptized in water in the same month of May. That baptism also had a miraculous event that happened. To get into each of those would take too much time. I've written about them before.
Also in 1976 I met numerous dear friends that to this day remain close to my heart. One of them became my wife a mere three years later. What triggered my reflecting on the early days of my relationship with Jesus was when the film, The Jesus Revolution was released. It was the actual story of a tremendous revival that took place in Californina in the 1970's. The main characters were Pastor Greg Laurie, and Lonnie Frisbee. At the time period of the film, Greg Laurie was a teenager who eventually accepted Jesus Christ into his life due to the influence of Lonnie Frisbee who was an evangelistic type that had been a hippie. It is a very well done, moving film.
While the Jesus Revolution was occurring in California, what was known as the Charismatic Movement was occurring on the east coast, most notably in New York. My wife Deborah and I, and many of our Christian friends of that time were the products (for lack of a better term) of that movement.
After seeing the film, and watching it about three times since initially seeing it, I found myself yearning for those days. There was an innocence of that time that resonates within my heart to this day. When I say innocence, by that I mean, literally, everything actually was brand new in life to myself, and to everyone I knew at that time. We were in our early twenties, and although we were young, we were also somewhat cynical for our age. We were aware of what was going on in the civil rights movement. The Vietnam War was going on. There were protests against the war, some were peaceful, others were violent. Radical groups were bombing police stations. Watergate happened. President Nixon had to resign. Chaos seemed to be non stop.
Yet, in the middle of it all, God was moving in this nation. And those of us who accepted Jesus went from being cynical to seeing and experiencing life in a new way. It was not because our prayers were always answered the way we prayed, such as my case almost immediately after I came to Christ. It was not necessarily the experiences we had with the Lord. It was because we couldn't get enough of Jesus in our lives.
Many of us went to several home meetings during the course of the week, despite working jobs, going to classes, or doing both. We'd go to home meetings that began at 7 p.m. and lasted until 10 p.m. Then we'd go to a diner to eat and stay up until 3 a.m despite needing to get up within a few hours to either go to work, or go to classes. We'd spend our time at the diners talking about Jesus. As much as we loved our brothers and sistes in Christ, the motivation behind go to the meetings was to be with Jesus. Then when we went out to eat together all we wanted to do was to talk about Jesus. It was all about relationship. It wasn't even so much about doctrine. Of course, there needs to be an understanding of right doctrine, but you can't have an understanding of right doctrine, unless you have a relationship with the One who the doctrine is actually all about. We were radical in our love for Jesus to the same extent that the Counter Culture Radicals were about sex, drugs and “free love.”
Of course, we all grew older. We all got married and had children. We served God and loved Jesus in sincerity of heart. Along the way, life hit us with curve balls (in some cases more like wrecking balls) and disappointments. Before all of that happened, I rembember that in the early days of my relationship with Jesus, that I believed for the impossible. I believed without a doubt that God loved me, and that the Bible was the true Word of God. But then, when “real life” happened, very subtily my belief about God's love for me, and the Word of God being absolute truth became distorted by the negative experiences and unfufilled desires and dreams. In the recesses of my soul it was “God loves me but...” and, “God's Word is true, but...”
For the most part, that changed in February/March of 1999, when God miraculously healed and delivered me from anger, resentment and bitterness that I had toward God. Once again, everything became new. It was like being Born Again, again.
As much as I desire to know truth, even to my own hurt, my focus has been primarily my relationship with Jesus. It is a good thing, because as I have been drawing closer to Him, I've also been seeing that I need to get to a deeper place in my relatioship with Him, where nothing else matters. In both the Old and New Testaments, that is what God desires from each of us. Deuteronomy 6:5-7 says, “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words, which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”
Jesus said the same thing in Mark 12:30, “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.” In other words, we are to love God with all that we are, and with everything we have. Jesus, when speaking of what it means to be a disciple of His tells a parable by which is summarized by, “count the cost.”
While giving a message at the church I pastor a few years ago, I said, “We as Christians have got to go back to believing God's Word for what it says, even if we don't understand it. What we don't understand God will always show us if we really desire the truth.” As soon as those words left my lips I knew that tests were on the way. If I'm going to make a statement like that, my life has to back it up. And because the Holy Spirit is within me, that makes it possible.
Sure enough, the tests came, and I had to believe that God will never leave me or forsake me. I heard a praise and worship song, Not Afraid, in which the singer says, “You have never let me down, and You won't start now.” That line became my mantra. Although there were struggles with doubt, the Lord in His love, grace and mercy led me to buy a journal to keep. I never kept one before. The journal He literally led me to, said on the cover, “Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am Your God,” from Isaiah 41:10.
As God dug deeper into my heart, so many times I came across similar Scriptures without even trying to find them. While this was going on, He also moved on my behalf many times. You would think by now with all the times He's come through for me, I would have no problem believing His Word. You would think that the confidence I had in Him when I was younger, would be even greater now.
Also, I said not to long ago in another message that we as Christians need to get to the place where nothing else matters but our relationship with Him and nothing else matters than His kingdom. Nothing else mattered to Jesus, to David, to Paul, to Peter or any of the other disciples. If they can live like that, how much more should we as Christians should be able to because we have His Spirit living inside of us. I do not say this to be critical. I am saying this because these are the things that I'm trying to yield to the Lord so that His power can live through me to where nothing else does matter.
About a year ago, I heard another praise and worship song called Let it Happen. One part of the lyrics says, “You’re full of life now, and full of passion, that’s how He made you, just let it happen. And He calls each one of us by our names to come away, And He whispers to your heart to let it go and to be alive.” Then came the words that really struck me. “So take me back, back to the beginning when I was young, running through the fields with You.”
The song made me think back, to when I was young. I had such passion for the Lord. As mentioned earlier, like others, I could not get enough of being in Jesus' presence in the home fellowship meetings. It was a time of sweet innocence, almost like being a child, running in the fields with Him. I found myself yearning for a deeper restoration of that type of relationship with Jesus. The more we focus on relationship with Him, the more in love with Him we become, the more we become convinced of His love for us, and the more our wounded souls experience the deep healing we all need to have.
I remember the time Jesus brought Deborah and I together in relationship. Although Deborah and I were dear friends before realizing the Lord was calling us together, I would typically hang out with my friends playing basketball, touch football, and softball between Bible classes at the ministry home we lived in at the time. Once Deborah and I knew we were called of the Lord together, I wanted to spend every waking moment with her. My friends hardly ever saw me again. I trust that was and is true of most couples that are seeing one another. Even now, after forty-five years of marriage, I spend as much time as possible with Deborah, between other obligations. That should be our heart towards Jesus. That is His heart towards us. My heart's cry is take me back, back to the beginning, when I was young, running in the fields with Him. There is nothing like being in His Presence, even when you can't feel His Presence. Because, even when we cannot feel His Presence, we can always be assured that He is Present with us, because His promise to us all, is that He will never leave us or forsake us. Nothing else matters.
Love and God bless, Pastor Paul.